Monday Morning Quotes

Monday Morning Quotes ~
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Since 1998 I've been sending out these reflections first thing each week--one or more quotes plus my thoughts about the intersections and contradictions. They're archived here back to 2002, and a new one is posted every Monday morning. Dialogue is still welcome . . .

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Quote #764 - Extremely Fair #ExtremelyFair

27 Feb, 2017

"The advice that women stand up for themselves and assert their position strongly...may not have the intended effect. It may even backfire."

"Attempting to negotiate can make anyone seem less nice, but only women suffer a penalty."

Hannah Riley Bowles

"When the final result is expected to be a compromise, it is often prudent to start from an extreme position."

John Maynard Keynes

"Willingness to meet halfway works well only if we are able to judge distance accurately."

Faisal Khosa

Although there were lessons I refused to learn
as a child
as a girl
as a girl child
there were many others I learned too well
some without even realizing I was learning them
some as some kind of penance
compensation to the world
for how "difficult" and "challenging" I was
in the lessons I refused to learn.

So here's the one I've been thinking about recently: FAIRNESS.
play fair, be empathetic (not selfish or self-centered),
as a classic, enculterated, woman particularly
think of everyone's needs (not just your own)
and always be willing and able to share and/or compromise.
I may not be as nice as some women--
and certainly not as coy or flirtatious--
but I've always adhered to those rules, and thought I was doing good,
even when my ex-husband told me the truth during our divorce:
that I would always feel like I lost in negotiations
because I started from what was fair and he started from what he wanted
(well, so he was wrong, I didn't just FEEL like I lost, I actually did).

I was thinking and writing about this last year
as Hillary came up against so many of the same walls
(taller and thicker than the wall our so-called president
proposes to build on our southern border)
walls of expectations of women vs. expectations of political figures
walls of women doing jobs vs. women seeking power
walls of what you've been through and had to do
vs. where you were trying to get and still want to go.

Now I'm thinking about it in terms of all Democrats,
of all genders, colors, and backgrounds.
Because they want to be fair.
They want to be just.
They want to be equitable.
They don't want to gerrymander districts to favor Democrats,
they just want them to actually represent the population.
And so do I.
But if they start from that point in negotiation,
they will always lose,
and we, as the people they represent,
will always lose.
Because the Republicans will never do the same.
They behave like classic enculterated men.
They negotiate like classic enculterated men.
They go for what they want, no matter the consequences to others,
to our political system,
to our country.

This is the beginning of a conversation, not the end.
I am trying to figure out the ramifications in my own life,
and how to proceed.
I am also trying to figure out what it means politically.
All thoughts are welcome?
How do we proceed?

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